Bloody BRILLIANT.

9.999999999/10

After months – probably years – of watching boring horror films and crappy remakes of old classics, Funny Games U.S. appears on my telly and surprises me. Witty, completely bleak, and funny all at the same time, it’s the first horror film in ages that’s actually, you know, good.

9/10

I’ll give you a moment to scoop your jaw back up from the floor.

Yep, I’ve never seen Star Wars, and nor had I had the desire to either. And after seeing the first one on Saturday (the first one in chronological order, not the first ever one), I have to admit that I’m completely indifferent to seeing the rest too.

I just see Star Wars as a prime example of a wider societal hiccup that we all fall prey to far too often: hype. Star Wars is so ingrained into our culture as being an epic series of films, that you’re looked at as if one of your eyes has just rolled on to the floor if you announce that you’ve never seen it.

And I know it could be argued that I shouldn’t base an entire series of films on 1 of the 6, but I feel that the film was spoiled beyond repair by people telling me how bloody amazing it is, and when I watched it I just felt a little bit deflated. A little bit like the film would have been a lot better if nobody had told me how good it was in the first place.

So society, stop telling me how good Lord of the Rings is, and how much I should see it, because I’m going to make it a personal life goal to never watch The Lord of the Rings.

Retrospect note: I wrote this rambling piece of writing at 12.55 on Monday morning. I made loads of spelling mistakes. Most of it didn’t make sense. So, if after reading the above it still doesn’t make sense, I apologise for writing a rambling piece of bullshit at 12.55 on Monday morning. You can take solace in the fact that I’m sad loser that writes rambling bullshit at 12.55 on Monday mornings, and how much better than me you are.

I usually find horror films pretty samey. They follow the same tired formula that the genre followed from about 50 years ago, with no attempt to bring something fresh to each new film. If there’s one genre that’s saturated with shit out there, it’s this one. I thought the same about 28 Days Later. It’s just another horror film. Sure, it attempted to be a little original, but it just didn’t wash with me. So what’s changed with the sequel?

To be honest, everything. Apart from the location, everything is just better. Unusual for a horror film, 28 Weeks Later starts with a bang – a house getting ransacked by lots of people who has the zombie, sorry, Rage disease. One of the best parts of the opening is the camera angles, mainly because they’re all over the place and do a good job of giving a genuine feel of tension to the film. When a character in the film is filling their pants with brown stuff, you’ll know because it will be conveyed through the shaky camera angles. It’s a nice touch that adds a little bit extra atmosphere to the film.

Undoubtedly though, the one thing that creates the biggest atmosphere in this film is the location. Seeing London completely empty is all the atmosphere this film needs. It’s not just one street either: it’s sweeping, city-wide camera work showing the whole place empty. Luckily 28 Weeks Later doesn’t play on this camera angle too much, and because of that each time it happens you’ll feel shocked at the sheer emptiness of it all. To top it all off, it just looks 100% real. There hasn’t been a film that I could suspend my belief from for a long time, but this is definitely it now.

Creepy, atmospheric, and probably the best horror film I’ve ever seen, 28 Weeks Later deserves your attention right NOW. Don’t let the first one put you off, because this is one of those rare cases where the second is better than the first.

Like the first one? Then you’ll be blown away by this.

I’d love to be kind about this film as the title so politely suggests, but it would be as morally reprehensible as being kind to a particularly talentless singer, so sorry Be Kind, Rewind, you really were dull. And confusing. And a few hours waste of my life.

2/10

It starts off promising – if a little disjointed and confusing – and Javier Bardem plays an amazing part as the phsycopathic killer that really doesn’t give a shit, but ultimately it’s bogged down by its bloated storytelling and pompous attitude.

7/10