I’ve come to an almost terrifying realisation: walking is overrated.

Ever since I got a car, the nasty, cramped, smelly train journeys have gone, and I’m pleased to say that I can’t even remember accurately the last time I had to get on one. The walking about has all but gone, replaced with my four rubber legs more commonly known as tyres. In about another month my legs will actually turn into a material resembling rubber, sort of flopping about aimlessly behind my arse. Thankfully, I can still remember the last time I used them. It was this morning in fact, walking over to my car. Then again, walking from the car to the office.

So, to return to my original eye-catching statement: walking is overrated. If we look at this in a purely speed-based way, walking is pointless. I can get to the shop ten times quicker than I can walk there, I can drive to London faster than my legs can drag me there (not that I’d ever want to drive to London), and I can save hours of time previously spent shuffling about in bus stations by driving to and from work. If I had an extra car that was there just to drive me to my real car on a morning, I could literally save seconds every day. However, my plan to become a wheel-based mammal has several flaws. Many of which you’ve probably already worked out.

1. Cars do not fit in shops very well.
Whenever I go shopping at busy times I can barely fit my four wheeled shopping trolly down the aisles of the supermarket comfortably, so skidding around the aisles in a tonne of car probably wouldn’t be a good idea. It would be quicker without a doubt, but being slapped with a thousand hit and run charges at the end of it all isn’t something that appeals. As for fitting my car in the local corner shop, then short of knocking out the front wall it just isn’t going to happen.

2. Cars do not fit on anywhere but roads well.
Slightly linked to point 1, but equally as much of a flaw. Unless I invent a smaller, size-of-a-human sized car, my car won’t fit well anywhere. I could probably just about get it up the stairs - sideways - but like a cow, it would struggle to get back down unless I chucked it out of the window.

3. A car is a bit more expensive to run than your legs.
Yes, it might come as a shock to everyone out there, but it costs more for me to keep my car running and topped up with petrol than it does to use my legs to travel about. However, since I live 7 miles away from the end of the earth, I would have to use some kind of motorised transport to get anywhere near civilisation, so this is offset against the amount of money I spend on petrol.

Besides those three flaws, I still stand by my original comment: walking is overrated.

I win. End of.