There’s been a lot of talk over the last week or so about something called Lincoln Christmas Market, a fact I was gleefully unaware of as I was on my way down to Lincoln for my bi-weekly visit. In most cases ignorance is absolute bliss. In this case however ignorance took the form of a badly acted scene from an already rather piss-poor film – painful. Think old Brucey’s (Willis – we’re on pet name terms) “Yippee Kay…” in the new Die Hard film and you’re nearly there.

I say painful for several reasons. There’s the literal sense of painful; my feet got so cold that I could almost hear my toes screaming for mercy from the biting Jack Frost. On reflection, the only way the weather could have been any worse for me would be for it to be desert-level heat and not have any top or sun cream. Hot weather is the only time I curse my dad’s genes for bestowing me with too little melanin, regularly causing me to turn into the human version of a red crustacean. I literally have to trowel on the Factor 3000. Instead I had to cope with the cold monsoon-like weather, which was a mild reprieve for everything but my clinging-on toes.

Then there’s painful in the observant metaphorical sense. Seeing so many people with faces like they’d been repeatedly hit with a rather bendy big stick was actually quite painful to watch, until I started to see the funny side of it. “Spot the smile” is quite a fun game at Lincoln Market. In fact, I would have more likely found Wally’s silly red stripy jumper than a smile in that crowd. There was the odd gurning gentleman in the crowd, but there were few and far between.

I don’t know if anyone else has ever experienced the next thing I’d like to describe to you, but this was a new one to me. I had to queue to look at a stall. Yep. Just look. There was so many people crowded around some of the stalls that there was a genuine queue to look at some of the stalls. I’m pretty sure such a display of patience wouldn’t happen in any other country other than Britain, where we possess a steely resilience when it comes to the activity of standing in single file for prolonged periods of time.

So. A complete waste of time then. Just don’t go.

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Who am I?

I'm Craig Burgess. I'm a graphic designer. I like writing (obviously), and I've been doing it for as long as I can remember. I also take a keen interest in photography, even though I take a lot of pictures of my thumbs and fingers.

Stuff I Like

The Last
Leck My Arse
A Word In Your Ear
...and this Republic is in Panic.
Darfuria
RewiredMind

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